Deciding on Divorce: How to Know You are Making the Right Choice
August 26, 2008
It’s a well known fact that in this day and age most marriages end up in divorce. When confronted with the possibility of “throwing a relationship away”, you’ll probably experience a lot of stress. There are some things you can do to decide if you are in the wrong relationship and if you need to get out.
I have written a few tips and guidelines to help you decide if you are making the right choice when it comes to divorce. This list is just a few key points that I think will help you. The list is not meant to be a complete list of all the steps you need to take, but will give you “food for thought”.
1. Is your partner/spouse abusive? If your signifigant other has abused you in the past, they probably will do so again in the future. If you are in a situation where you continue to be abused you need to GET OUT IMMEDIATELY! Abuse usually get’s worse over time. Even though it may be difficult to leave, there are many resources and support systems for batered people.
Hidden Divorce Costs
August 9, 2008
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists. This does not mean that divorce is an easy decision to make. There are many reasons why people decide to get divorced. The most common reason that I have seen through talking to hundreds of people is due to infidelity.
I personally would not be able to forgive infidelity. If someone cheated on me I would be deceiving myself if I thought that I would be able to forgive them and stay in the relationship. A lot of the so called “experts” also try to get people to reconcile when there is a cheater in the relationship.
If you want to reconcile with your unfaithful spouse, you should certainly try to do so through counselling. It would save a lot of heartache and make life easier if you both wanted to stay together after the affair. This is a choice only you can make. If you are pressured into this choice without really believing it, you won’t be happy for long. If you feel betrayed, don’t let anyone tell you that you have to work it out if you don’t really want to. Why suffer if you don’t have to?
Choosing Your Divorce Method
July 22, 2008
The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting everyone involved. There are some things that you could accidentally do that will make your divorce 100 time more miserable than it really has to be.
As with anything in life, you need to have a plan. The same is true for divorce. If you dont plan for what you want - chances are you won’t get what you want. The first step towards having a plan is to know exactly what you want. After you know what you want you can plan to get it.
Here is an excercise: (Get our a piece of paper and a pencil. Write the answers down to the following.)
Take a few minutes and try to put everything you can on this list. You will always be able to add to it later.
Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations
July 4, 2008
What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents should avoid? Learn them to spare your kids from the painful consequences.
1. Carrying Message Between Parents
A child doesn’t like the feeling that he or she must act as a messenger between hostile parents or carry one adult’s secrets or accusations about another. Children want parents to talk with each other so that the messages are communicated the right way and so that children don’t feel like they are going to mess up.
Parents must take the responsibility to talk directly with each other, especially if the topic is likely to anger the other parent. It is unfair to make your child carry messages to your “ex” because you find it too awkward or aggravating to do so yourself. It is also poor parenting to show by example to your child that you can resolve a problem with another person by not communicating or to suggest to a child that the other parent is such a monster that you cannot speak or be civil with each other.
Wherever possible, communicate directly with the other parent about matters relevant to the children, such as scheduling, visitation, health habits, or school problems.
Avoid Lawyers! Do-It-Yourself Divorce Saved Me Tons of Money!
June 17, 2008
Let me preface this by saying right up front - this is NOT for everyone. The key is that my situation was friendly enough to still communicate with each other after we split. My ex-wife and I agreed that our kids were certainly worth that! And we still have to deal with one another until they are through college. This is offered as a life experience only and not intended as legal advice. As such, this may not apply to you.
After 25 years of marriage, I decided that I did not want to be married to my wife. We had drifted apart and in the last few years, things were getting worse. We had little in common anymore… including friends. By and large, mine were different from hers. She would go away on her weekends and I would go on mine. Other than our children, whom we both love very much, we were just a couple living together. She is still a good woman, just not one I wanted to be married to. There had to be something else… Sound familiar?
Divorce and the Stock Market
May 30, 2008
The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce. It is not very encouraging to enter into any kind of relationship knowing that it only has a 50/50 chance of being successful. Failure at anything is never pleasant, but there is one good thing about divorce. You are now free to try again and hopefully this time you will not make the same mistake.
Now I want you to think about divorce and the stock market. Do you own any stock or mutual funds that are selling for less than you paid for them? If you have owned any equities during this past three years I will be willing to bet you have some losers in your portfolio. Don’t you think it is time to think about a divorce, a divorce from a losing situation?
Suppose you sold everything today and put it all in a money market account paying 1%? I know what you think about 1%. Suppose you had dumped those losers 2 years ago and been in cash all this time? Would you be money ahead at 1%? I’ll bet you would.
Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?
May 13, 2008
Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but it may not necessarily mean that a divorce is eminent. Solving the quandary of a loveless marriage requires self-reflection to assess the situation, courage to try to create a team effort for the best decision with your spouse, and gumption to face the reality that a divorce may be the best solution for the loveless marriage.
But, before you jump right to the easy way out and decide on divorce, you should got through the process of making sure that you have logically thought through long-term implications of ending the loveless marriage.
Being in a loveless marriage and deciding whether to get a divorce based on this one fact alone is a misuse of an opportunity. Its not like deciding whether to stay married due to an extramarital affair or other marriage problems like abuse or living in a sexless marriage, choosing the right divorce decision when it comes to a loveless marriage is a totally different situation.
Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce
April 25, 2008
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making serious divorce decisions, having an open mind and listing the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help make the process a little simpler for you.
The things to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:
Divorce Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through with a decision.
Not being really ready to decide about whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are many reasons why people don’t ever get around to actually making a divorce decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make in life. If you aren’t ready to handle the emotional pain of what could be a “life changing” event like deciding about divorce, wait until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.
Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
April 8, 2008
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don’t worry, it isn’t unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that’s only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you’re in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: “We both work too much!”:
Is Your Marriage Problem Severe Enough To Warrant Getting A Divorce?
March 20, 2008
Having a marriage problem can be agonizing especially if you’re trying to do all you can to make your marriage work. Depending on how your marriage was prior to thinking that you had a marriage problem, you could be in for a hurtful time if you don’t take a step back and look at your marriage problem from a “helicopter” viewpoint. To do that, you’re going to need to try to limit your emotional stake in the situation which admittedly is a difficult thing to do.
The first step in getting over a marriage problem is to remember that you aren’t alone, lots of couples have marriage problems that stem from all kinds of different types of behavior.
Here’s a partial list of marriage problems that you may or may not be experiencing:
Marriage problem #1:
Lack of sexual intimacy - a serious issue that you must work through in my opinion if your going to work it out.
Marriage problem #2:
Exploding during an argument, getting too emotional and letting your temper get the best of you - you need to learn to work together and you can’t do that if one of you is getting too heated.
